Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
So when Pilate saw that he could do nothing, but rather that a riot was
beginning,
he took some water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, "I am innocent of this
man's blood; see to it yourselves."
"She seems like a nice girl," Mother says thoughtfully.
But Brian chooses to read something else into her statement. "You sound as if you don't
approve," he says.
Now at this point Mother neither approves not disapproves. In all fairness she doesn't know the
girl well enough to judge. But Brian has his own doubts about Lisa. He's really not sure he
wants
to date her again, and he would like to use his mother's judgment to get off the hook. He wants
to
hear, in her nonjudgmental statement, his own doubts--and indeed, those doubts are so strong
that he does manage to hear them, or to convince himself that he does.
His mother, seeing that Brian has come to a decision about Lisa, says tentatively, "Perhaps
she
isn't the right girl for you?"
In turn, finally getting the feedback he's fishing for, Brian defuses his own guilt by attacking his
mother's judgment. "You never like any of the girls I bring home!"
"Now that's just not true..." says his mother and a family argument is off and running. What
Brian
has managed is a form of scapegoating. By reading a nonexistent metasignal of disapproval
into
his mother's voice, he has been able to make a decision without taking the blame for it. A fast
mental shuffle has convinced him of his mother's incongruity on the subject of Lisa.
Do we use scapegoating? God calls us to take responsibility for our own decisions and
actions.
(Matthew 27.24
NRSV)
Let me introduce you to a term that you may not be familiar with. It is called "gaslighting"--a
phrase coined from the Alfred Hitchcock thriller GASLIGHT, in which the husband convinces
his
wife that she's going mad. See if this dialogue sounds familiar.
God of all, show me your way of being true to myself and others by taking responsibility for my
decisions and actions. Amen.
